just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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