TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pants are for mortals
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
