you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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