She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
