I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need moral support for this bender
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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