I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
