He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
