I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
