I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
