OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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