So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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