Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you never un-have a 4some
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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