i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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