Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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