Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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