is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
