found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
