yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
