is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
