he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
