I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
