You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
