I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
