I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
