Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
