I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
