i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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