I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
