PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
