I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
