He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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