...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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