You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So much rum. So many feels.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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