I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
