i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hippo gnu deer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
