I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
