I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
