I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
