I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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