I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
