it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
