do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
