I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
