Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
