Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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