My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
