question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
