don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
