Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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