Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
