Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
