Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
