wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
