he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
