two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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