Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
