I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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