He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
