I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
