I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
