I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
