with your own penis?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
