I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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