office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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