Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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