exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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