3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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