I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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