he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize