GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
