dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
