I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
