If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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