Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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