Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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