just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
