By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
