i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
