This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
