Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
