it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
